Maybe we should wait a bit.

See if it warms up.

(pause)

Let’s ask Gladys... She was in earlier.

 (pause)

... See what she says.

 (pause)

I do think it looks cold.

Don’t you think it looks cold?

And a bit wet maybe...

(pause)

I tell you what – you go first and let me know what it’s like.”

A little known play by Harold Pinter?  No.  A short extract from an everyday conversation between penguins.

So anthropomorphism isn’t very PC but I defy anyone to resist indulging in a voice-over when looking at African penguins. Visit the colony at Boulders Beach for instance and all you’ll hear is falsetto penguin impersonations in German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Danish and Italian.  Penguins are funny in every language.

And now I’ve found a far superior way to view them... from the water. Derek Goldman runs trips every morning specifically to see the penguins along the pretty coastline of Simons Town and I was lucky enough to spend a morning with him. 

We were a group of 4 double kayaks of the nicely stable, sit-on-top variety.  Standards of watermanship were varied, but it simply didn’t matter, as even for those as uncoordinated as I am (plucked for the school rowing team for ‘being the right shape’ and promptly thrown off again for saying “ooh, look at those daffodils” one too many times) paddling a kayak through the water is a pretty simple process.

The tour starts from the harbour, where little boats inevitably named Sea Lady and Mystic Queen bob alongside massive naval ships bristling, we were told, with AKMs - Anti Kayak Missiles. 

There was certainly a feeling of vulnerability when gazing up at these huge warships from our fragile craft, but also a sense of freedom and elation in the simplicity of our situation as we established a rhythmic dip, pull, dip, pull, dip, pull which had us slicing through the water over the kelp which billowed in the clear water below us.

And once accustomed to the matching rhythm of dribble-down-the-wrist-and-drip-off-the-elbow it is remarkable how quickly the tranquillity of being out on the water can whisper through to the soul. We passed the occasional lone kayaker – some with a highly convoluted fishing rig-up – who clearly felt the same way.  They’d give a tiny tilt of the chin or the lift of an eyebrow in greeting... but nothing that would disturb the peace. 

From June to December there’s a good chance of encountering whales in False Bay, but we weren’t fortunate this time.  But penguins are a year-round certainty. Sure enough, we soon came across a group of them dithering on the edge of a rocky island, apparently baffled as to how exactly they had got there and doubtful about how they were going to get off again.  The favoured method, it seemed, was to stare hard at the water in the hope it might go away, with Plan B being to Get Someone Else To Go First.

Bobbing up and down close by (and muttering their imagined conversations under my breath) I could quite happily have observed them for hours... then suddenly they were gone.  Plan B had prevailed, and once one had taken the plunge they all dived in, instantaneously transforming into sleek, speedy, silent missiles as they ducked and weaved through the kelp under the boat.  It was as if a crowd of Nora Battys had whipped off their housecoats to reveal themselves as ninjas.

I was still laughing as we scooted our kayaks up onto the fine sand of a private beach.  I felt free and easy, well into the swing of the paddling now.  How appropriate then, that I should suddenly find it a struggle to heave my bulk out of the water.  Feeling startlingly ungainly, I waddled up the beach on unsteady legs.  Bottom numb, shorts soggy and elbows dripping I shuffled to the nearest warm rock for a little R and R. The penguins had the last laugh after all.  

Daisy

www.capeconcierge.co.za

THEATRE: God of Carnage
to 12 December
Following successful seasons in the West End and on Broadway, this award-winning play explores the challenges and methods that parents adopt when dealing with the unruly behaviour of their children.

Theatre: Three Wiser Men
to 30 December
Take a Muslim doctor, a Jewish linguist and the son of a Pentecostal preacher... three of Cape Town's favourite comedians; Riaad Moosa, Nik Rabinowitz and Marc Lottering are directed by another South African favourite, David Kramer.

CHERRY PICKING SEASON
to 1 January
Take a picnic and make a day of it.

NOBEL PRIZE EXHIBITION: STRENGTHS AND CONVICTIONS
to 28 February
An exhibition of photographs, documentary films and contemporary artworks exploring the lives and stories of South Africa's Nobel Peace Prize Laureates, Albert Luthuli, Desmond Tutu, F.W. De Klerk and Nelson Mandela.

Musical: Cats
to 10 January
The musical spectacular based on the poems from T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats.

World Aids Day Gala Concert
1 December
The New Apostolic Cape Church Symphony Orchestra and Choir perform with artists including Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Sterling EQ, Wilmot Fredericks, Janelle Vigasie, Pretty Yende, the Circle of Dance Academy and the Cape Philharmonic Orchestra.

Cabaret: 3 Tons of Fun
to 30 December
Three 'traditionally built' songstresses perform a festive line-up of new songs and some all-time favourites by the likes of Tina Turner, Alicia Keys, Gladys Knight and Christina Aguilera.

FULL MOON FEAST
2 December
An evening market of local wares and organic produce, and a buffet feast served al fresco or in the historic farm building.

WAVESCAPES SURF FILM FESTIVAL 2009
2 December - 20 December
An annual feast of surf and sea-themed films including a showing on a giant outdoor screen. 

Cricket: Cape Cobras (W Cape) v Diamond Eagles (Free State)
3 December
A SuperSport Series match.

SPIER FESTIVAL OF WHITE LIGHTS
4 December
A procession across the wine estate, led by an Angel of Light on stilts and a penny whistler with a variety of performances representing different cultures and traditions, united by the theme of light.

2010 FIFA WORLD CUP FINAL DRAW PARTY
4 December
A street party with a big screen for a live broadcast of the draw (taking place down the road at the CTICC) which decides when and where the 32 qualifying teams for the 2010 FIFA World Cup will play their matches.

CPO Symphony Season: Cobus Swanepoel
4 December
Conducted by  Owain Arwel Hughes, the solo cellist performs works including Schubert's Symphony No.5, Saint-Saëns' Cello Concerto No. 1 and Dvorák's Symphony No.7.

Concert: Just Jinjer
5 December
The hugely successful SA rock band performs.

MUSIC: FRESHLYGROUND
5 December
The dynamic and hugely successful Afro-Fusion band performs in a line up that also includes Lost Sock and Checked Zebra.

eMZANTSI CARNIVAL
5 December
The annual party to celebrate a year-long process that encourages links between the communities of the South, especially children and youth.

FRANSCHHOEK INVESTEC PB MCC & CHAMPAGNE FESTIVAL
5 December - 6 December
A showcase of celebrated Cap Classique producers as well as some of the finest French Champagne Houses.

Concert: The Killers
6 December
The popular American alternative rock band performs material including hits such as When You Were Young and Human.

MUSIC: JAMES GRACE
10 December
The internationally renowned classical guitarist performs works by Albeniz Rodrigo and Tarrega as well pieces from his albums Cafe Latino and Sevilla – Music of Spain II. James is joined by Bridget Rennie-Salonen in a performance of Piazolla's Histoire du Tango.

Lecture: The Future of Astronomy In South Africa
12 December
A discussion facilitated by Professor Renée Kraan-Kortewegby of UCT followed by the opportunity to view the night sky through various telescopes.

La Motte Classical Concert
12 December
The internationally acclaimed soprano Zanne Stapelberg performs with guitar virtuoso James Grace in an innovative programme of music ranging from opera to flamboyant Spanish songs.

Concert: Prime Circle
12 December
One of the most successful rock bands in South Africa performs.

SUMMER ELEGANCE
12 December
An evening of sushi, fresh oysters, strawberries and cream, wine tastings and a sunset concert by the all-woman electric quartet Sterling EQ, as well as a presentation of Kobus Dippenaar's latest Haute Couture collection.

MUSIC: KOOS KOMBUIS
12 December
A performance by the singer, songwriter and author who is considered the guru of Afrikaans rock music and the father of non-conformist Afrikaans culture.

KIRSTENBOSCH SUMMER CONCERT: THE JONNY COOPER ORCHESTRA
13 December
The recreation of Glenn Miller's big band recalls the Swing era of the 1940's.

Aqua Festival: H2Opera
15 December - 17 December
Soloists perform arias from famous operas and popular musicals.

KIRSTENBOSCH: CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT
17 December - 20 December
Traditional Christmas Carols accompanied by the Cape Town Concert Brass Band and the Cape Town Male Voice Choir, organised by the Rotary Club of Kirstenbosch.

GOLF: 99th SOUTH AFRICAN OPEN
17 December - 20 December
Richard Sterne defends his title in the competition that sees young golf stars seeking to prove themselves alongside the greats in the second oldest national Open in the game.

Aqua Festival: The Parlotones
18 December
One of South Africa's most popular indie rock bands performs hits and material from their latest album.

MCQP CAPE TOWN: TOOLBOX PROJECT
19 December
Partygoers must this year dress up as construction workers or toolbox items. Highlights include four dance floors, champagne and cocktail bars, a food court and live entertainment from top international dance DJs and renowned South African performers.

Aqua Festival: Homage to Miriam Makeba
20 December - 21 December
A tribute to one of Africa's most celebrated performers. Artists include Sibongile Khumalo and The Cape Town Philharmonic Orchestra.

Cricket: Cape Cobras (W Cape) v Highveld Lions (Gauteng)
23 December
An MTN Domestic Championship match.

Aqua Festival: Johnny Clegg
26 December - 28 December
'The White Zulu' performs his hits from the past three decades.

KIRSTENBOSCH NYE CONCERT
31 December
Performances by Loyiso Bala, Flat Stanley, Chad Saaiman, Loading Zone and DJ Denver Apollus.

Muizenberg Moonlight Meander
31 December
A guided walk in the moonlight to Sunrise Circle or St. James with music, dancing and drumming.  Participants are encouraged to dress up or bring a musical instrument. Restaurants are open or participants can bring a picnic basket.

5FM NYE PARTY
31 December
Gareth Cliff hosts a rooftop party with 3 dance floors, champagne bars, bongo drummers and a huge fireworks display. Music from DJ Roger Goode, Erica Elle, Shaun Duvet and Dean Fuel.

REZONANCE NEW YEAR'S EVE FESTIVAL
31 December - 2 January
A 48-hour party with two stages featuring a line-up of psy-trance, drum'n'bass, techno and progressive dub performers. Facilities include hot showers, camping area and food and clothing stalls.